Well, it was official, Gatsby never liked me. Well I think at this point I can refer to him as his real name...Mike. That shouldn't be as dramatic as I made it seem. Hah. Anyways, so apparently, it was all a "I hook up when I'm drunk" kind of thing. However, I'm a really cool girl. I don't know. I mean it's my own fault for holding on for so long. I don't hate him for any of it. I'm mad at myself for building this guy up on nothing solid and holding out for so long. Opportunities didn't really present themselves regardless. I should never hold myself back from meeting people, even when I am with someone.
But, anyways, I built this kid up to be something amazing. Something special. He was just a guy. A cool guy, no lie. But nothing that would challenge me. I'm not his type. Apparently my weird style and outspoken antics isn't his thing. He actually likes Lauren's friend. But that's beside the point. He doesn't, and never did like me. At least I know. It hurts. I'm not going to lie. Especially when everyone I practically know has someone and even the assholes who don't deserve (Hairo) are happy. I mean, everyone deserves to happy. I'm just a bit bitter. But yeah, I'm alone. Officially. With no prospects as of right now. I wonder what could of changed from his initial attraction to me to saying "yeah, she's not my type."
It's over and in the past now. My plan is to just be normal with him now. He can never know he had any sort of effect on me. I will never give a guy the satisfaction of knowing he had any effect on me like that. That gives him power. Maybe, he'll regret it. Maybe, he'll see me different. I'm not holding my breathe on it. I did with Hairo for so long. I could never let go and moved past it. I constantly thought, he'll regret and come back. I'll be here, waiting, to laugh in his face, to say "you missed out!" But he never did, and I was the fool. Mike sees me as a friend, and I'll grow to like him as a friend. It's always better to be friends. It always last longer than as lovers.
Another one bites the dust and I'm left alone to find my way through the smog. I have before and this time wasn't even serious. I just liked him a lot. If I'm meant to be single, then so be it. I'm fine on my own. I can live my life. If someone who's special comes by and sees me for what I can offer, then cool. I'll continue to go on.
Who wants to sing "Benny & the Jets" with me on top of a bar? Or watch Wall-E with? Or like my erratic taste in music? The fact that I sometimes don't match? That I'm not conventionally sexy? Thinks its awesome that I like dancing like a freak? Get that snuggling is sometimes uncomfortable and I need my own space? That think Yankees are the shit? That want to drive me home every night and wait until I get inside the house before they pull out of the drive-way?
That's my kind of guy.
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