Honestly

"Maybe I’m naive, maybe I’m a just another hopeless romantic, or maybe I’m just a spoiled brat who always got her way in her past relationships, but I truly believe the process shouldn’t feel this hard. When you know, you just know.. and I’m not even talking about love at first sight or finding “the one”, I’m just talking about finding the person you’re most comfortable with and with all the potential you have, I’m still afraid it will never grow into you. And really, that’s the only thing I want — someone I can complain to about my annoying older brother, and how I don’t feel comfortable with PDA, but will push through that just to show me PDA, or someone who knows how I’m absolutely obsessed Michael Cera (Joseph Gordon Levitt) and understand my dorky-loving need to watch any or all his movies and knows how sometimes I’ll be stupid and combine words like saucy and awesome and turn it into ‘sausome!’ and think that was indeed the greatest invention of the world in which you would, of course, agree (more so my ridiculous statements or phrases). I need someone to do this, be this, but the simple question I know I have to ask myself.. is it you?"


It really fucking blows me away when I read passages like this. There's a quote from the play turned movie History Boys, that if you never seen I highly recommend, that basically sums up how this feels:

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something

 - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things

 - that you'd thought special, particular to you. 

And here it is, set down by someone else,

 a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead.

 And it's as if a hand has come out, and taken yours."

I didn't write the top passage, I stumbled upon in blogworld and I really just wanted to curl up and cry. Thank god I'm at work, I'm forced to keep my composure. Every bit of that paragraph is honestly true to how I feel right now. The two sections in parentheses is just my input of making it more catered to me.

Putting myself out there for you is terrifying every second. I learned to laugh it off but, look closely, I'm trembling. I already made myself look like a fool more than once, and I still can't let this go. Might as well go down burning. I'm setting myself up again for a "Feezy" situation but I honestly think its my hopeful personality to never let anything go without a fight and believing there is reason my heart telling me to keep trying. I sit here, hoping that this time, it's going to be different. You'll see in me what others have overlooked. In the end, I'll break my own heart.