“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love,
listens but doesn’t believe,
& leaves before she is left."
— Marilyn Monroe
Sunday, May 31, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs.
How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay & the ones who will leave. & maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces & starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders & misread signals, through all the pain & embarrassment.... you never gave up hope."
I Haven't Had A Dream Since That Night
i tried you on for size and you fit very well. i thought that this could turn into something quite beautiful, and i tried to make it so. maybe that’s where i went wrong in the first place. i wanted to build a castle on a foundation of sand; eventually the tides always have their way.
still, i wanted you to see me the same way that i saw you. i wanted to know my efforts would be worth it in the end. it’s scary how easily we can fool ourselves.
still, i wanted you to see me the same way that i saw you. i wanted to know my efforts would be worth it in the end. it’s scary how easily we can fool ourselves.
The Invention of Solitude
So, I was delaying on writing this blog. I'm not sure why. I guess, the moment I write that what happened and the truth of it all, it's set in stone. Blogger stone. & nothing can ever change. I will always have proof and I have to move on. That's always been my problem, I can never really move on the right way. Maybe, this is my test. My test of my maturity.
Well, it was official, Gatsby never liked me. Well I think at this point I can refer to him as his real name...Mike. That shouldn't be as dramatic as I made it seem. Hah. Anyways, so apparently, it was all a "I hook up when I'm drunk" kind of thing. However, I'm a really cool girl. I don't know. I mean it's my own fault for holding on for so long. I don't hate him for any of it. I'm mad at myself for building this guy up on nothing solid and holding out for so long. Opportunities didn't really present themselves regardless. I should never hold myself back from meeting people, even when I am with someone.
But, anyways, I built this kid up to be something amazing. Something special. He was just a guy. A cool guy, no lie. But nothing that would challenge me. I'm not his type. Apparently my weird style and outspoken antics isn't his thing. He actually likes Lauren's friend. But that's beside the point. He doesn't, and never did like me. At least I know. It hurts. I'm not going to lie. Especially when everyone I practically know has someone and even the assholes who don't deserve (Hairo) are happy. I mean, everyone deserves to happy. I'm just a bit bitter. But yeah, I'm alone. Officially. With no prospects as of right now. I wonder what could of changed from his initial attraction to me to saying "yeah, she's not my type."
It's over and in the past now. My plan is to just be normal with him now. He can never know he had any sort of effect on me. I will never give a guy the satisfaction of knowing he had any effect on me like that. That gives him power. Maybe, he'll regret it. Maybe, he'll see me different. I'm not holding my breathe on it. I did with Hairo for so long. I could never let go and moved past it. I constantly thought, he'll regret and come back. I'll be here, waiting, to laugh in his face, to say "you missed out!" But he never did, and I was the fool. Mike sees me as a friend, and I'll grow to like him as a friend. It's always better to be friends. It always last longer than as lovers.
Another one bites the dust and I'm left alone to find my way through the smog. I have before and this time wasn't even serious. I just liked him a lot. If I'm meant to be single, then so be it. I'm fine on my own. I can live my life. If someone who's special comes by and sees me for what I can offer, then cool. I'll continue to go on.
Who wants to sing "Benny & the Jets" with me on top of a bar? Or watch Wall-E with? Or like my erratic taste in music? The fact that I sometimes don't match? That I'm not conventionally sexy? Thinks its awesome that I like dancing like a freak? Get that snuggling is sometimes uncomfortable and I need my own space? That think Yankees are the shit? That want to drive me home every night and wait until I get inside the house before they pull out of the drive-way?
That's my kind of guy.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Look Alive
"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living.
Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living,
that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness.
The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death):
absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death.
Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car.
They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place,
a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken."
— Anais Nin
Goofy
"Seriously it's kind of appealing when you put a fun twist on it:
no drama, no concerns, bed a little earlier, dance like a freak, & flirt with everyone."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
