Important Note to All:

I don't want a boy anymore. I have returned to my state of normalcy. I'm disinterested by most guys around me. Even the ones I'm attracted to, yeah that poser Asian one as well, there is no urge for something profound with him, Hairo, Courtney, and whatever list I had going on there. I'm thankful for not having a boyfriend or to have my thoughts consumed by the idea of one. I'd float around caught up in my head and the thoughts of "could have been" moments and when will we touch next. Now, I'm consumed by photographs, my writing, the literature I am reading. The things that are and always will be important to me. Right now, I'm slowly finding my footing back into the "straight A" world I use to belong to. Next, I have to add a few more layers of responsibility, but my shoulders aren't sludge over. I'm not afraid, I want this challenge. This is the challenge that matters. These are things that will change my life. Not a boy. A silly little boy who can't figure out that what I am is obscure and rare. I'm done proving my worth to anyone, friends included. I'm not 100% confident but I know that the shit I've been doing the past year was not "me."


That being said, the discussion of baby names came up this weekend. I always figured I would have kids, biologically or adoption wise. I just really don't want that day to come any time soon, I'm talking about at least 10 years, and I do feel like I'll have a serious panic attack over the "joy of childbirth." I did come up with two names that I liked. I like the idea of mixing guy's names with girls and vice versa.  So I thought, Delia Dylan and Penelope James. Each name is actually in reference to something/someone I like and I like the way they roll off your tongue.  Lennon Jolie and Jackson Audrey (or flipped) were other names that popped up. I apparently also plan to have nothing but girls... Either way, it was a fun little exercise and I think I'll have more fun naming the child than anything else. Yeah, see I'm so not ready for this shit. I will not leave this duty to the guy (if there is one) because as one can see with the result of me, they can't handle that responsibility. Surprise Surprise. My last name will definitely be changed as well...somehow.