Medal of Honor

"every now and then, i seek other writers and am left wondering what’s the difference between me and them and can i just be them instead? sometimes i want all that attention, i want the way they string together such sometimes dark, but pretty words so easily.. because it’s not that easy for me. i feel like i’m pulling teeth sometimes when i try find the words that fit — like trying to find the perfect pair of jeans, needing all the right curves, needing to look lean. but it’s impossible, it always feels impossible and so i sit here at the foot of my bed in just a blank canvas of a tshirt and try to figure out what to do. in my quiet thoughts that i can’t even hear, i wonder if maybe i was ever really a writer and was i just pretending to be one.. for you, or rather because of you. and i wonder who i ever was before? because honestly, i don’t want to be this person anymore."