Closing Chapters

"often times we search for closure in the wrong places, but once in awhile we find it right where we weren’t looking — mostly because it wasn’t the kind we were looking for, it wasn’t the kind we wanted, it wasn’t the kind that would leave us satisfied in a way closure is supposed to leave us satisfied. because it goes against all you’ve ever believed and all the effort you made and it makes you feel like it wasn’t worth it at all. and we always want to feel like at the very least we did all we could to make it worth it, but that’s not always the case and when that happens, regrets add up and you start to feel like nothing will ever make up for every chapter that goes unfinished except maybe keeping the idea in your head of what could have been .. instead of just writing it off as the end even though that’s really what it is but you’ll never want to admit it because there’s still going to be a little part of us that wants to leave some of those doors cracked open for re-openings and comebacks with hope that things might finally change or finally go your way. but most of the time they never do and this is how we come up with the closure we’re never given — by having to give it to ourselves even though that’s the last thing we ever wanted to do because all along, we’ve just been secretly waiting, waiting too long for something that may never come, from someone who’s been long gone, both in distance and in time. there will come a point where we can’t wait anymore. and for that i’m still waiting, because i want nothing more than to write this ending and to finally write him off of my skin, out of my mind and out of my heart."