Not Yet.

BIG heart.

I fall in love with someone about twice a week, but I’m starting to think that’s a common problem with writers, that they have a dangerous excess of love that they give away to near strangers or turn inward on their private little worlds.
— ZACH VANDEZANDE

PERFECTION

Boys

CC

Yeah, Forever.

"Forever is a long, long time, and time has a way of changing things."
— The Fox and the Hound


yeah, I LOVE this movie. I actually have it on DVD because you struggled to find it online. I do remember the cute things that you would do. I don't miss you doing them, I miss anyone doing them.

Maybe Hurdles

"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls."- Anais Nin

My Face For Games, For You.

There is a big difference in what we long for, what we settle for, and what we are meant for.

High Hopes

Why? Why? Why? do we think we can change people? I tend to make up the perfect images of people (and myself) in my head and see them for what I want them to be, or hope that they will be rather that who they actually are. It's a catch 22 really, because when I do this with myself. I dream myself into what I hope I can become and at some point that dream seems to become reality for me.

When I do this with other people it is such a huge mistake. I think one of the greatest lessons we can learn is to attempt to really see people and things in a true and honest light. I have been made a fool of many times, but it is partly because I was a fool to believe things that we obviously were not true. Your guts don't lie. You always can feel it in your heart. In my case, most of the time I just don't want to believe it.

It happens in the aftermath of things too. The hopeless girl in me wants to only remember the butterflies and excitement but I have to force myself to focus on what REALLY was and not what my mind has turned those days into. Everything looks perfect from far away. It's like looking down at a city from an airplane. Everything seems so peaceful and perfect, but if you crashed down into the middle of it you would end up among the pieces of real life. The ones that are not so pretty. The ones that are not so nice.

Here is what I know for sure. I am still hustling. I just need to start seeing things as they really are. The people, things and dreams I have in my life. Clarity is a beautiful thing. There is a dream job out there for me. I need to go find it. There is a guy or girl who will adore me and who will be good to me. But they can only be good to me, if I'm good to myself first. Find myself, then find them. There is a group of really good friends that want nothing from me but love and support and fun, I need to go find them.

Straylight Run

It takes more time than I've ever had,

Drains the life from me,

Makes me want to forget,

As young as I was,

I felt older back then,

More disciplined,

Stronger and certain,

But I was scared to death of eternity,

I was saved by grace,

But destroyed by naivety,

And I lied to myself,

And said it was for the best,

And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold

I've disregarded what I was,

Now that I'm older,

And I know much more than I did back then,

But the more I learn,

The more I can't understand,

And I've become content with this life that I lead,

Where I drink to much and don't believe in much of anything,

And I lie to myself,

And say it's for the best,

We're moving forward,

But holding ourselves back,

And we're waiting on something that will never come.

Fallin', Fallin', Fallin', Fallin'

Skinny Bitch

I think I need to work on myself more before I really expect anything to work out.

Last night showed me that I do need to push with you. We moved back to stage #3 but then by the end, a hope of stage #6 and you suggest a stage#9. Hah, oh the stages. But yeah, I mean you didn't have to. I was actually surprised. I enjoyed you being a creep and getting my screen name. I'm still unsure if I want/should keep pushing. I need a chase. I don't want to feel settled.

I deserve someone to fight for me, show me that they neeeeeed me in their life; to be relentless. But then, I think if I saw that, I would be turned off. I don't want anyone dependent on me because I wouldn't want to be dependent on them. It's a double edge sword.

I need you to give me something.

I'm on my hands and knees looking for you give anything. Anything

I'm Waiting For Paul Varjak to Come Knocking

Joke.

Every Minute