High Hopes

Why? Why? Why? do we think we can change people? I tend to make up the perfect images of people (and myself) in my head and see them for what I want them to be, or hope that they will be rather that who they actually are. It's a catch 22 really, because when I do this with myself. I dream myself into what I hope I can become and at some point that dream seems to become reality for me.

When I do this with other people it is such a huge mistake. I think one of the greatest lessons we can learn is to attempt to really see people and things in a true and honest light. I have been made a fool of many times, but it is partly because I was a fool to believe things that we obviously were not true. Your guts don't lie. You always can feel it in your heart. In my case, most of the time I just don't want to believe it.

It happens in the aftermath of things too. The hopeless girl in me wants to only remember the butterflies and excitement but I have to force myself to focus on what REALLY was and not what my mind has turned those days into. Everything looks perfect from far away. It's like looking down at a city from an airplane. Everything seems so peaceful and perfect, but if you crashed down into the middle of it you would end up among the pieces of real life. The ones that are not so pretty. The ones that are not so nice.

Here is what I know for sure. I am still hustling. I just need to start seeing things as they really are. The people, things and dreams I have in my life. Clarity is a beautiful thing. There is a dream job out there for me. I need to go find it. There is a guy or girl who will adore me and who will be good to me. But they can only be good to me, if I'm good to myself first. Find myself, then find them. There is a group of really good friends that want nothing from me but love and support and fun, I need to go find them.