Best Friend

I think that I do a pretty good job at figuring out what people I should keep in my life. I dealt with a lot of drama in high school to know that not all friendships are made to last and it won't be the end of the world. I could be left completely alone and I'll be fine.

Each year, I make new friends or grow closer to old ones. I love my friends, I truly do. I know they always mean well and are truly genuine at heart. I know they would never do malicious things to one another or to me. Not everyone is perfect and I damn well know I am far from it. I do know I become defensive when I feel like I am being "attacked."

This entry is going to be scattered. It's already pissing me off.

I feel as if some time people, mainly friends, depend on me a bit much. It's a lot of pressure. In the sense that I need to always have a smile on my face and be at the beckon call. I really don't mind ever being there for a friend. If one of them called me today and was in dire state and needed me home, I'd find my way to them. I really don't ever expect for the same to be done for me, nor do I rarely ask for it. I think i get this quality from my mother. However, I've also seen my mom be walked all over several times by various people. However, the moment when I can't deal with their problems as well, suddenly I'm labelled as a bitch. Sometimes, these moments are when I have too much in my life/mind that I know anything I give to anyone else will be half assed. Sometimes, I just know I need an hour to my solitude and I can balance myself out.

I love my friends, I really do. I don't think I could ask for a better group of girls. This include my Vegas girls. I think that I am truly fortunate to have the amount of people that care about me that I do. It really is enough to make me pretty damn happy.

I just think that the way I handle things are more unconventional than most people and sometimes, my friends misinterpret my actions. It frustrates me even more because I know my friends tendencies. I know who you probe for more information, who needs a breather, who needs to vent for hours, and who keeps it all inside and who only has one confidant.

I know I only had one person to really ever understand me and that's Jennie. (Yeah, I know you read this). It makes sense for it to be her since we've known each other for so long. But I don't spend an enormous amount of time with her, at least compared to others. I do a poor job on my part as abusing her sometimes. She knows when I'm mad about something and it's not about her. (I think the last time Jennie and I fought, I was still in single digits). I let out my frustration in her direction and she kind of waits around until I cooled off and asks what happened. This probably happened several times over the last break and it does leave me feeling guilty. I was selfish in wanting my time to spent mainly with her and she wasn't around. A lot happened over break, that I was becoming overwhelmed not having her around. Again, it's simply selfishness.

This also goes to Justine, because she was my other best friend and she left and I never have an opportunity to tell her about my crazy ass life. However, it's wild that when we do see each other, it is still comfortable where we open up to each other. I just wish for it to be more than once a year update.

Like I stated somewhere in the midst of this rambling, its a nonsensical post. Winter break was a reaffirmation of my gratitude of my best friend.

Sorry, I couldn't poetically express that this time.