Project Sunflower

I did EXTREMELY terrible this semester.

I don't even know if I'm getting an A in JRN this semester. I was counting on that. AHHHH MY LIFE!
I can not believe I let this happen. I will do so much better next semester. I can't fuck this up. How will I ever get in NYU?!

I can bounce back from one bad semester. But I HAVE TO BOUNCE BACK BIG!
Like 4.0 status. And I can do this. I just don't fucking try.

That will not be the case. I will give my all.

This is my winter break though. I want to see him. Somehow.

You Overeat Wedged Food

IT'S FIVE IN THE MORNING !!

&& I HAVE NOT SLEPT YET!!


AND I HAVENT REALLY STUDIED.


FUUUUUUUUCK.



& all I can think about is Gatsby.

My High Came Crashing Down

I did not get into the Middle East Dialogue.
I failed my Math quiz which counts twice.
I got a 79 on my Italian Oral
Gatsby does not like me.


Well, least to say it's been a pretty shitty day. OH! I got two hours of sleep last night, yes..

I have a term paper to write all today for a book I haven't read yet.

I really just want to cry.

I think I'm going to call my mom crying.

I need to vent.

And I'm so embarassed that I didn't get into Dialogues that I don't want to mention to anyone here. I just want to curl up in bed and cry. I'm really very upset about it.

I don't think he likes me. Just not getting the vibe that he wants to talk at all. So I don't know. He ends the messages with statements. Which I read as, "okay I'll answer you but I don't want to know anything about you." We just fucked, nothing else involved.


I feel very numb right now.

urbandictionary.com

Amityville


A small-in-size but renowned-in-reputation village on the South Shore of Long Island, where you can find a plethora of lifeguards, bongs, surf-racks, and gossip. A place where you can't pee without the whole town finding out in an hour. The townies wear flip flops all year long, and beer pong is played, very competitvely, on any surface available. Everyone either owns a boat, belongs to a yacht club, swims, or at least goes to Robert Moses or Jones Beaches weekly during the summer. Everyone is athletically- or musically-inclined, and has unbeatable style. There is beef between private and public schooling, and a big distinction between the North and the South parts, but one thing about Amityville is certain either way: there is never a dull moment. So fucking cruise 80 miles an hour down Richmond, smoke down at Amityville Beach, stuff your face at Mike's and Blue T, pretend you don't drop into Brownstone's all the time, get your ass to the July 3rd Fair and the Christmas Tree Lighting, get big at Dolphin, wait in line for an hour at Better Bagel, and remember that this fucking Bay Village is a lot more than just Friendly.

Oh yeah, and there's always that house that random people stop us to look for.





No matter what, I LOVE my fucking town.
Life begins with L.I.
<3
that is all.

Taking Chances

Lauren just said this to me on AIM:

lalalaurenlol: (9:48:29 PM) honesly you've been thru too much with him to be like uh should i do it or not mb not, ur already in this he already knows u like him, u want him to know u like him thats a good thing bc u know he likes u and if u talk to him more than he will be amazed by ur awesomeness and fall for u bc really how could he not

lalalaurenlol: (9:48:44 PM) so just suck it up and be the bigger person bc what have u got to lose

lalalaurenlol: (9:49:21 PM) celine deion said it right when she said "what do u say to taking chances"

<3<3<3<3

Mad As Rabbits

I'm in class right now. She's always a little bit late so I figured I would write while I wait.

I just had my interview for the Middle East/Journalism Program for Summer 1. Ah, I was a little late and sweaty, great. They said we'll

 find out next week by Wednesday whether or not. I really don't know how the interview went. I really want this. More so than Gatsby.

I saw him again on Friday.

Edit Sorry I started writing this on Monday and it's Saturday now.

Anyways, I saw him and we hooked up again. We were drunk, sloppy but fun. We talked and such, good times. I will not admit that I like him out loud. He is completely enjoyable and very gorgeous. I can only wait and see if this progresses. 

I want to prove him wrong about all the other girls he's met before me.

I have to study for exams and do papers the next couple of days. I need to desperately do well on all my exams in hope of getting an above 3.0 gpa. I wanted so badly to do a 3.5 but that is not happening.

Next semester, I'll be on top of it. 

I know the library is 24 hours now.

I think I'll poke him on Facebook. Remind him. 

I'm watching a Harry Potter Marathon on ABC Family now. Life is good.

Everyone is going out tonight but me, and I'm completely happy with that. 

I need to go start some work. And the gym

FUCK, I WILL LOSE IT!

Christmas nonsense coming up. 

But I'm more concerned about New Year's. For the obvious reasons. Damnittt

CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL THIS MOVIE!

The Day After Tomorrow

I saw him last night.

& he looked SOOOO good! He is very very shy. I told the stories numerous times today. I don't know if I can repeat it. He makes me so giddy. I hate it but love it at the same time. 

At least I know he doesn't think I'm crazy and rather steer clear of me. And I'm pretty sure his friends love me. =) 2 points.

Lauren is having a party tonight. I'm excited for it. Now, I'm more anxious. There is a chance that Gatsby will show up. I decided to invite him through FB and he texted me before asking about and said they might come. OH MY GOD! 

My thanksgiving break is turning out pretty decent. Thank you God =)

I'm ready to make some memories. <3

New York Groove

I am home.

I am sick.

I am going to Deanna's Bar.

......Gatsby is going as well.

HOLY SHIT! IM NERVOUS!

I don't believe I'll see him until I see him.

I am so nervous.

I don't look slutty enough for his attention. 

I want to kiss him again.

Pray to God, this is a good night. 

Either way, whatever happens, a good night, please?

After this weekend, I really need to have hope again.

Here I go.

Guilty Pleasure

I HATE MY MATH TEACHER! DAMN YOU JOAN CAMPBELL!!!

She decided to make a quiz on Tuesday and I practically can't miss it. I missed one, I bombed another and another one I got 68. So those my three quizzes that I can drop. She said she might have 11 quizzes and so I can drop 4. I mean if I finish all my homework, which I most definitely will! 

Anyways, it up to Caroline if she wants to leave Monday night. I really could care less because I know I'll be so depressed if I have to stay around here until Tuesday because of this class. 

My Journalism teacher asked who was going to be around, she doesn't care too much whether we miss it or not I can tell. I only missed one class with Journalism. 

Ugh, Im happy this semester is almost over. I haven't done astounding as I had hoped. I guess a lot of stuff hasn't planned out as I hoped. I'm not failing any class. Well actually I don't know how History is turning out but I hope that I do well on the final and TERM PAPER! Shit, I kinda just remembered that. 

I need a good concert to make me feel happy again. Jumping around, sweating to good beats. I love it. 

Okay, maybe I'll do the homework now. Ugh. I'm not cut out for this. 

Have Some Composure

I have just discovered a deadly site. FBR-Trash. I'm not going on it again. I legit fell into it. I was typing something that has to do with Fueled By Ramen and suddenly I was on this site. 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! People are fucking crazy. Well these fans are. Like legit, the shit on this shit was crazy. Half of them are claiming to have fucked half these boy banders. Whoa whoa whoa. I dig the music like legit but I am not delusion. That shit just sucks you in. I never heard of it or the slash shit. I'm not even going to check it out. 

I like my musicians like my actors, I don't know two shit about them just the art they produce. I need to leave it now before I get sucked into teeny bopper world. 

Caroline has made me a much more productive person. I joined yearbook and CUP and I actually do my work. Well sorta. 

I can't live with someone like Anna. I just want to be lazy always. I see that she gets to sleep late and not do anything and I crave for it. So I mimic and unfortunately I have a real major with real classes. I look forward to being busy next semester. 

I can't have too many moments alone to browse the internet..or I end up on sites like FBR-T. Oh god, I'm scarred. 

Thanksgiving is next week. Unfortunately I am pretty depressed about it because I haven't lost weight. I had planned out and I just never followed it. It's not even about Gatsby anymore. I gave him up. But this is for myself. I need to lose the weight for my 21st. 

I saw pictures of Kim on Facebook from Miguel's birthday. She looked gorgeous and so tiny! Props to her for being healthy. I mean I hope she's doing it the healthy way. It makes me sad because Hairo is with her now and even though I don't want to be with him in slightest, I makes me jealous that he is with a prettier girl. It's hard to explain.

Well I plan on going to the gym with Remi at 11. I have a 5 page paper to write and another one to rewrite. I know I can do it. I just have to get on doing it. I need addreal. It's terrible for me to say that. I'm going to ask Rem about it. She knows the deal. It might help with all my problems...

No pictures tonight. I'm not a fucking stalker. 

I Can Be Anything You Want

I'm watching The Notebook. Never fails to make me believe in love again. I want someone to challenge me. I want me to have someone make me lie under the street lights and feel safe enough that a car won't come and we won't die. Hah. 

A relaxing weekend. Just what I needed.

I protested against Prop 8 today at City Hall. I felt powerful being part of something like that. The inner hippie in me. Everyone deserve the right to love whomever they may choose.

Hey, Noah Calhoun, I think I've been patient enough.

Bill and Trav's Bogus Journey

The Academy Is... on Wednesday?!

I think so! Woot!

Stay Together For The Kids

I'm bored out of my mind at work. I should start some homework. 

I've been doing better with my eating. I don't feel disgusting.

Tonight, the girls and I are going to get sushi at the Prud. Should be fun! I love Caroline. We get along so well and it's just easy. I'm really glad that I met her.

I woke up this morning with no roomie. But I also woke up late so I had no time to wonder. I came home after my class and found cups a

nd shit all over the place. She had been drinking since her midterm and was running around wild with her other Russian friends. In math, she started calling Caroline, telling her to come over and drink. It just kinda pisses me off because I really don't want to deal with another alcoholic roommate like Jessica Fitts.

Caroline's roommate is moving out and I am so tempted to take her place. I feel like I'll just constantly be over her place now. Which I think she really wants anyways.

Next year, we're totally rooming together.

I found out that the drummer of Claudio's band knows William Beckett. OH MY GOD! How I wish I knew this better. The Academy Is... is playing here at the Roxy next Wednesday. If I have no plans because I feel like that might be the night of the hockey game, I'm so going to this show. Sam is down for it. Thank god for having friends that listen to the same shit as I do.

I wish I had a boy. It's lonely. 

Oh, Marshall. You're too hott for my well-being. Brendon, you have competition.

Daring, Darling

I'm watching the Lion King right now. It's insanely sad. And racist.

Oy, my life. 

I should be doing more homework but it sucks.

I did some math homework and other shit. But I need to do more now. 

But there are people here and it's hard to concentrate.

I kinda just want to sleep now.

The Academy Is... is performing here next week and I kinda want to go but I doubt anyone will go with me. I think it would just be fun. Ya know.

I'm in love with Marshall now. I need to meet him now. 

Arrarraa

I'm done now. Goodnight. I'm adding more pics to my blogs.

When you use your lips, they better be on me

I've been out of the loop. I did not know the different verison of Live Your Life. I just bought it on iTunes and the video. Because T.I. is that sexy. 

I also bought Cab videos and Fall Out Boy song What A Catch,Donnie. Which is a good song. 

Anyways, Halloween was tons of fun! I was a sexy cop? No just a cop. I don't know how to be sexy. So me and the girls went to a BU sorority party and it was fun. Chris and Greg were Djing and good times all around. 

Then Adrian got into a fight and these bitches went crazy and told us to get the fuck out. Whatever, but it sucked because they threatened to not pay Chris which is so fucked up. 

We left and stuck in BU area because it was late and the T wasn't running and we didn't have enough to cover a ride back. It was cold and everyone was tired. We ended up at a supermarket and waited around for a bit.

Chris called eventually and wanted us to go to his house, when he got there. But everyone was tired and just wanted to go home. Of course, Anna didnt. 

She's obsess with him and that's fine but don't put us through it. It was late and everyone was tired. So we left. 

I got home and only had a hour until I had to leave for the bus. So I didn't really sleep. I made it in time for the bus and got into NY on time thank god.

I was home Saturday. I saw High School Musical 3 with my sister. GOOD MOVIE! I feel childish for saying it but it was really good. Then I went to the mall with Jennie and Deanna. Then we visited Lauren and Lindsay. Then we went to a frat halloween party.

 But it blew. So we left kinda early and I was so tired already. I drove around all day and didn't get gas money or even an offer to drive which is kinda of annoying. 

Lindsay kind of pissed me off. She's really not a best friend anymore. We're just too different.

SUNDAY WAS PANIC! Oh my god, such a good concert. Jennie, Jenn, Lauren and I went to the concert which was in Jersey. At the Prud. It was great. Those girls I'll always love.

 The Cab performed. I'm IN LOVE with Marshall. Ian too! They were good. 

Plain White T's played too. I was kinda of dreading them but they were really good. The lead singer has a good voice. 

Dashboard Confessional was the co-headliner. Chris never cease to amaze me! He is phenomenal!

Panic, of course, was fabulous! I love Brendon so much. He was so much fun. I want to see them again on their own tour and the same with Dashboard and The Cab.

God, I love shows.

It good I saw them so my fantasies leave Gatsby for good. I just watch the videos over and over again from the concert and look at pictures, haha. 

I learned how to block numbers on my phone. Bye, bye Hairo.

I've been so dead this week. I need to get on my shit. Fuck me. I need to write my essays better. My grade looks like shit right now. I really don't want to find out that I'm a shitty writer. 

That would suck a lot.

Just live your life.