Not Yours, But Mines

"i get the feeling you were too scared to love me, too scared to mean the world, too scared to be someone’s everything, too scared for the responsibility. i get that, i get that now, you weren’t ready for someone to put their heart in the palm of your hand, but it happened, it happened and you can’t give it back. you’ve stretched your arms over to my side, tied strings to my shoulder blades accidentally creating a lovesick puppet so willing to please, so willing to change myself for your needs, so willing to bend at your will, so willing to be whomever you wanted me to be, if it meant that i could have if only a piece of you—your hands, your knees, your shoulders for me to lean my head upon, your lips, the imprints of your kisses left on my neck as we slept the nights and mornings away. if i only had that, then i was happy—if only for the moment, if only temporarily. but knowing it was a love unrequited eventually got to me, and knowing i had to walk away was the hardest thing i’ve ever known, especially knowing it didn’t affect you at all. but it wasn’t your fault—it was my own for believing in all you couldn’t give me."

I think it's today but this made me cry. Like a baby. Things made me realize. I can't keep lying to myself. I wanted so much more and I picked a guy (again) that was unemotionally unavailable. I'm walking away before a repeat pathetic Hairo-esque performance is done. The damage is there though.