A Ghost of A Good Thing

I hate that I will forever be the chubby girl. Losing weight does not come easy. I start working out and eating right, and nothing. I need to work harder but I dont know what I'm doing wrong in the first place. I just want to be happy with myself. It's the only thing that still holds me back. Still makes me shy. Still makes me unsure about...boys.

I keep thinking about Gatsby. I deleted him number and I'm holding to that fact that I WILL NEVER TEXT HIM AGAIN. Or see him for that matter. It sucks. I KNOW something was there. I don't get that attach to guys like that..that quick too! From the first night, ugh I keep talking about it. I keep replaying how many times I was so awkward. How I probably fucked it up.

I want to go to a psychic. Maybe make some sense of all of this.

Why does he have to be so freaking cute?

I finished midterms and I'm waiting for results. I hope I did well. I havent worked too hard this semester but I want good grades. I have to write another paper for Journalism this week. Im hoping this one is steller. Above 90 mark.

I'm at work. And I DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! It's nice compared to all my other jobs. But I need to get in the groove of doing homework or reading while I'm here. Tomorrow I should do my Co-Op paper and Journalism paper while I'm here.

I brought the book "The Art of Seduction" which I guess I desperately need. I have to start reading it. Maybe I'll finish it before Thanksgiving break and I'll see Gatsby. Highly unlikely. And I shouldn't keep thinking about it like that.

I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.

Justine offered to pay for my plane ticket to Vegas for my birthday. Oy, I really want to go.

I just got a need credit card...$5000 limit. WHOA! That's a little too much for my liking. Black Friday shopping!

Hah, not a good idea.

I'm doing crazy research on internships. I have to get one for the summer. I also have to finish my Dialougues application and turn it in. I REALLY hope I get in that.

I kinda just wish some stuff will go right in my life. If I can't lose weight, let me get steller grades. If I can't get good grades, boy toy? I'm getting lonely. I want to snuggle.

Good thing I'm not home running back into the dreaded Ex's arms. I'm still creeping on him but its more out of habit I think.

I just wanna hold your hand, Gatsby.