School is not going fantastic. I mean I haven't had any tests really but I just haven't been doing the reading or studying enough. Which I'm hoping my ass will turn around. On top of that, I haven't been working out. So my whole plan for this semester isn't exactly being followed through. I have a test today in Italian, and I am hoping that I will do well on it, but who knows. I'm going to do a booth with TasteMakers at 2:30 until my class. Then come home, eat dinner, work out(?), study(?). Hm, possibly. I really should though.
Next weekend, I'm going home and I'm really excited for that because I just want my old bed and some of Mommadukes' cooking. She asked me to come home this weekend but I have a Journalism paper due Tuesday which Im really nervous about. I can't get in contact with either one of my sources that I had in mind. So today I emailed two new ones, in hopes they respond to me by the end of the day.
I still think about....Gatsby. Like a lot. I deleted him from my phone because I did not want to drunk text him anymore. I really hope to see him over break. This is part of the reason why I wanted to stick with a work out plan. There is something different about him, and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I just have to prove myself. I just thought after we had sex, I prove I could get him and it be out of my system. But no, I had to get all woman-ly and get hooked..? I guess that's what it is. Who knows.
I, unfortunately, go back to Hairo when I'm single. Which is disaster written all over it. I just can't trust his motives and he gets under my skin to easily. And that's more frustrating than anything else. I wish I could just block him out. I want to be friends with him. I don't get jealous or annoyed with the fact thats he's with Kim. That's their choice. I think it's foolish on both parts. I mean this judgement is based on what he has told me about the whole situation. He makes it clear that he does not want her as a girlfriend. I sorta feel sorry for her. But anyways, we talked for like two hours the other night. And it ended with apparently him coming to visit. But thats not a good idea. Why is my ex-boyfriend visiting me? Especiall before any of my friends actually do? It's so strange. He firmly states he does not care who I am with and etc. then why so damn curious? He questioned me a lot in that convo. And there is always a hint of jealousy or annoyance when I talk about another guy. He made his choices and he decided to treat me the way he did. Not saying it was all bad, but he could have been a better person in the end. He choose to turn into an asshole, which he says happens when he's pushed, but you know, not everyone is like that and we might have been better exes for it. What can I expect from him? He's not that type of person. It's sad but I know he's going to be stuck in the same spot. Maybe he doesn't want to go grow and branch out. He's probably happy with the same people and the same mundane things. I could never be happy with him now. I know that for sure. He says Im lost. No, I'm not lost sir. I just don't wish to sit in one spot for my whole life. I want to experience new surroundings and people. I'm searching for my self. "All those who wander are not lost. " Don't judge. But before that, I need to learn to not your judgement effect me.
I need to go now. Wish me luck on this test. I'll update more later.
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