In the end it's all nice

I just finally saw the ending of Requiem for a Dream. I never actually got through it. It's such an intense movie. If I ever wanted to do drugs, that definitely made me rethink it. After the movie, Anna and I went to Dario's because we needed to laugh. Claudio welcomed us, and he looked hott in a black shirt. His girlfriend came over soon after. She was kinda bitchy, and that wasn't my word. Anna can't stand her. Claudio says its not going well but she's constantly over and they cuddle. Why do boys lie? Why do I like the ones that I really have no chance with? I need a new boy. I don't need a boyfriend. But I miss the hand holding and the kissing goodbye. I miss feeling all fuzzy inside when I'm going to see them. I don't miss the restrictions or the judgement because of guy friends. Or having to plan out my weekend according to them. I don't miss not having my alone time or girl's night. I need those in my life. So how can I fit another person in my life? Could I really give myself to someone else  again? I think I've been through to much and I'm selfish now. So that's that. I must prepare for a life a loneliness.