Stranger.

I shouldn't be writing this right now. I have so much work to do. Last night, I was waking up in panics. I don't know why. I don't know you that well. But last night, I was overcome by a massive headache and my eyes were watery. It doesn't make sense.

I thought about it, and I realized that I think I understand why this keeps happening. I'm damaged goods, and maybe I'm more transparent than I thought. On top of that, it's a chase. Guys love the thrill of the chase, especially with me. The moment they got me, suddenly the thrill is gone and they're not interested. I think I'm a pretty enjoyable person but I guess the chase is more thrilling than the actually me.

You enjoyed the little chase, when I was being a brat. Now I'm available and it's too overwhelming. Everyone keeps saying it's because of the distance. You even said "i am interested i think its obvious. but again your going to boston." It doesn't mean we can't still talk? I have to delete everything, it's a weird. I'm holding onto something..to someone who isnt even there.

I'm not familiar with the dating world. Maybe there are rules that I am unaware of. Maybe there's steps that need to be taken. Maybe I'm destine to live my life out alone. I enjoyed it so much for the past few years, why now am I so starved for attention?

With the way I live my life, with the way I think and what I want to accomplish, I know I;m better alone. With my fucked up heart and upside down thinking, is it really fair to drag someone else along?

I have to focus on school.