About TIME!!

I Forgot How Hard It is To Care...

I went to Vegas this weekend for my birthday/it's been 2 yrs. It was nice seeing everyone but it made me realize that Justine isn't so much my best friend. I'm about to write her now. I don't know, it's rough. I don't have much to write now plus I have to write to her and study for my test. So, I'll update hopefully sometime in the future.

High Kicks and High Hopes

I want to be so strong. That I want to stay strong, and unafraid of what is next. Being abandoned and alone is so scary some nights isn't it? It is almost like I know something better is out there for me, but that light is so far away I cannot even see how.

Mad

Who the fuck do you think you are? Seriously?!

I can not believe I cried on my 21st party over YOU! what.the.fuck!?

I just threw all your shit out and I'm pawning the jewelry. I need money.

vintageESTEF: (9:50:58 PM) her status. he didnt call me on m birthday and the fact that i cried over him on my birthday! like seriously. and then i think just the added heat i feel towards Gatsby is just my declaration of not dealing with guys who dont want me, ONLY FOR ONE REASON

i didnt feel like writing that part over. So basically, I'm done with Hairo and Gatsby. I really didnt want to be with Gatsby. But...what could I do.

He's just not that into me.

I HAVE to learn to accept that now. I am 21 after all. An adult. Adults accepts things that they cannot change. With this age comes maturity and and understanding that everything cant by my way. I learn and grow. Leave the ones that dont want to join me in the past and progress further. I mean seriously, what else can I do?


The sun will set for you.

just because i’m hurting, doesn’t mean i’m hurt
doesn’t mean i didn’t get what I deserved
no better & no worse

i just got lost.


Some people have it worst off. I'm alone. Yes, but someone out there will love me one day. If not then I'll live my life still. I cant stop living just because I don't have someone's arms holding me. Protecting me. I protect myself. I survive on my own. I can do this.

Take Me Back To The Start

The Day Music Was Reborn

Last Words

Over Elkin Avenue

The helium balloon, disappears into the sky

You give some money to a junkie

Watch as the sunny day drifts by

Can't tell you why

you said you loved me

& i kind of believe that

But these days who knows what it means

So we sat by the laundry matt with magazines and cigarettes

Talked about a million other things

These are the last words

I'll say to you

These are the last words

I'll say to you

I never saw the world the way the city looks me to today

I never thought the end would come this way

These are the last words

I'll say to you

Last night I dreamt that somebody had died

And it was one of us

I did the biggest thing that I could

But I was not enough

These are the last words

I will say to you

She's A Lady, & ladies shouldn't be messed with

"when i get a second of your time, i feel myself losing myself in the quick moment we have together, but you’re never around long enough for me to get used to this amazing feeling. despite this, i refuse to stop myself from falling for you just a little every single time.

i should stop myself, but the pain is worth being near you even though you’ll always disappear just as fast as you returned."

Lost!

I'm letting go of it now. I have to. I'll hurt my own self. I've been dreamer of something that will never come to be. The dream meant nothing. 

Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt.

Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved,

For better or for worst.

I just got lost.

La Belle et le Bad Boy

I can't stay on a straight line.

Tell me it's me, not you.

So I Never Forget..

Once upon a time you dressed so fine

You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?

People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"

You thought they were all kiddin' you

You used to laugh about

Everybody that was hangin' out

Now you don't talk so loud

Now you don't seem so proud

About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel

How does it feel

To be without a home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone?

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely

But you know you only used to get juiced in it

& nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street

& now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it

You said you'd never compromise

With the mystery tramp, but now you realize

He's not selling any alibis

As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes

& ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel

How does it feel

To be on your own

With no direction home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see 

the frowns on the jugglers & the clowns

When they all come down & did tricks for you

You never understood that it ain't no good

You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you

You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat

Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat

Ain't it hard when you discover that

He really wasn't where it's at

After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel

How does it feel

To be on your own

With no direction home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple & all the pretty people

They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made

Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts & things

But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe

You used to be so amused

At Napoleon in rags & the language that he used

Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse

When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose

You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel

How does it feel

To be on your own

With no direction home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone?

He Took From You Everything He Could Steal.

You Are Steller

actor.musician.beautiful eyes.dirty hair.perfect lips. 

god, you're sexy.

The Anger Management

The boys came to visit me this past weekend. It was a lot of fun. I got completely wasted. Which now is getting old. I need to clean myself up. I also came to another conclusion.

I'm over trying to find a boy. I mean I've been doing it for a few months now. I'm over it. Obviously I'm not in a point in my life where I am meant to have a boy. I have to stop trying to force situations from happening. I met Gatsby on whim. I mean nothing really happened there besides getting laid a few times.

I just need to remind myself I can't depend on my happiness on if I have a boy. It's quite sad if I do.

I made a complete ass of myself with multiple guys. This has to stop now. I'm not the shit but I'm not pathetic. 

I'm kinda just kicking myself in the ass over all of this.

I just want to breathe a new chapter in my life.