New Door

Monique Duval

Cruz Sisters

GODDAMN, these women.

Progression of Love

i miss the can’t-get-enough-of-you, sit-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-waiting-for-your-call, butterflies-everywhere, head-over-heels kind of love that you can only have when you haven’t actually been in love yet.


i miss the want-to-spend-every-second-with-you, want-to-wake-up-to-your-kiss, will-do-anything-as-long-as-i’m-with-you kind of love that you can only have when you’re in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, where both parties have just fallen in love.


i miss the want-to-stay-home-and-watch-tv, sweet-kisses-without-sex, cuddly, complacent kind of love that you can only have when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and are simply comfortably happy in love.


because right now i’m in the i’m-confused-does-love-actually-exist state of mind, wondering if i can grasp on to some sort of silly happiness in being able to let someone make me smile.

One Tree Hill

Losing your hearts desire is tragic, but gaining it?
It’s all you can hope for.
This year I wished for love.
To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel.
My wish was granted.
And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy.
Because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.

— Peyton Sawyer

The Fool.

I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.

Fight.

Kiss The Shoulder

Adoration

Long December

When I see something I like, I gotta...I love it.

Note to Self:

Life is for deep kisses, strange adventures & rambling conversations.

The Elected.

"We’re like the places you just never see.
You read about them, you know you’d love ‘em;
that’s how you fell in love with me.
And to him it just seems weird and very, very sad."

Sleep

Fill these spaces up with days

in my room you can go you can stay

I can't sleep

I can't speak to you

I can't sleep

Now these years locked on my drawer

I'll open to see just to be sure

I can't sleep

I can't speak to you

I can't sleep

& so i'm reaching out for the one

& so i've learned the meaning of the sun

& all this like a message comes to shift my point of view

& watching through my own light

As it tints the shade of you

Hold my wine, hold it in

Nobody's lost but nobody wins

Privilege

"Isn't it strange that the man standing in front of me
doesnt have a clue why hes waiting, or what he is waiting for?
Maybe its me, but I'm sick of wasting energy.
Maybe if I look in my heart I could find a backdoor."

Infinite Playlist

Always, Always

You always came and went like the seasons and like my favorite one, I was always left waiting, wanting, wishing you would come back sooner than later. Before I knew it, years flew by and the last vision I have of us is making love in the back seat of your car. But it wasn’t meant to be love, although there was always a hint of it hidden behind my eyes. (I wish you had better sight). Why do I make such destructive choices? It’s not right, it’s so wrong. And somehow, you had a way of convincing me without saying a word at all. I guess that’s how first loves will always be. They’ll always have that secret passageway into your heart — a way of sneaking into your skin, hiding under your ribs, and staying there forever. And I always knew that meant I was getting myself into trouble, but if it meant I got to be with you in ways I hadn’t been in a long time, I welcomed it in every way, every time.

(Un)fortunately, I still would.

LoveLife.

The New Year.

Teardrops.

Cut The Shit

Phone Calls

Incertainty

Kevin Arnold

Some people pass through your life and you never think about them again. Some you think about and wonder what ever happened to them. Some you wonder if they ever wonder what happened to you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.

— The Wonder Years

Do You Want To Say Something?

I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.
— Shana Abé

What Do You Want From Me?

hey, slow it down, what do ya want from me?

yeah, i'm afraid.

there might have been a time

when i would give myself away

oh, once upon a time i didn't give a damn

but now, here we are so what do ya want from me?

yeah, it's plain to see

that baby, you're beautiful

and it's nothing wrong with you

It's me, I'm a freak

but thanks for lovin' me 

Cause you're doing it perfectly

there might have been a time

when i would let you slip away

i wouldn't even try

but i think you could save my life

just don't give up

i'm workin it out

please don't give in, i won't let you down

it messed me up,

and i need a second to breathe

just keep coming around

I SO Would

Should Do

2009

I was trying to hard to show anyone who would look or listen why, little old me, was deserving of the stars. I scared away many a folk in the process. I have heard the word "intimidating" way to much this year from the opposite sex. It became clear as day to me, that when it comes to our dreams, the best thing you can do for yourself is to chase them. When it comes to relationships...well, anyone you chase will usually run the opposite direction.

I am not sure why the world works this way. It is confusing, heartbreaking and at times, frustrating. But I assure you, that once you decide not to care anymore, every single person you pined over during all those sleepless nights will instantly be running along side you to catch up. I wish I had figured this out sooner. Seems funny, but if you put yourself first, everyone else will put you first.

This year is my first lonely(feeling wise)Christmas in quite a few years. I'm lonely. I will admit it. There will be no magical Christmas morning for me, but just a day filled with my friends, a few phone calls and hopefully many cookies. I am swamped with memories and at the same time I am excited about the future.

Being okay with yourself, your situations, your past, your present and hopeful for the future is priceless. Having an amazing family is priceless. Having friends like I have, honest and true and good and enlightening is priceless. I hope that everyone takes some serious time over the next few days and gives their priceless gifts some giant hugs.

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”
-Albert Einstein

The Wake.

We were never lovers, and we never will be, now. I do not regret that, however. I regret the conversations we never had, the time we did not spend together. I regret that I never told him that he made me happy, when I was in his company. The world was the better for his being in it. These things alone do I now regret: things left unsaid. And he is gone, and I am old.
— The Sandman #72, part three of “The Wake”; Neil Gaiman

Peace of Mind

Or Buy Shots.

She Wants To Know...

Harajuku Girls

Secrets

Some things I like to keep to myself. For my own sanity, I don't share. I know when I make mistakes and when I should stop doing something. I should have kept it to myself.

Beloved

I Need You To Need Me.

In This Room

The Only Place You Wanna Be Is Underneath My Christmas

Hole In My Heart

"i made some puzzle pieces out of me and you, trying to find someway to make us fit, but it just keeps slipping and there are just pieces that seem to be missing, maybe lost, maybe never to be found. but regardless, i keep finding myself wanting to be found, especially by you. i keep finding myself wanting to make it work, ignoring all the work that we have to do in order for that to happen. i want so badly for the edges to smooth out, i want so badly for the rough cuts to hurt less, i want the picture perfect and i want it to be complete, but i realize how much of a feat it is just to put it together in the first place. but in a tiny place deep inside, i’m still hoping it’s really all worth these pieces of my own heart. it’s still cracked and a little bruised, but the thought of you seems to be changing that and maybe that’s a clue, an answer or a solution or a reason that our bodies sometimes align so perfectly. i can’t think of another reason why else that could be.

all i really know is with you, it seems like my heart is happy. and right now, maybe that’s all that really matters. (it’s a possibility i’m willing to take)."

Happy Holidays

My Bed

Over Over Over

Basically Everything

Empire State of Mind

Just More.

No Regrets

Dreams

SleepTime

High Fidelity

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"


"Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."


"It made sense to pool our collective loathing for the opposite sex, and while we were at it, you get to share a bed with somebody at the same time. We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition."


"I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you."


"All I'm saying is, you have to allow for things to happen to people, but most of all to yourself."


"I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth."


"You think sex is a basic human right?" "Hell yeah, yeah."

On The Road pt. 2

They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
— Jack Keruoac

Journey

I’ll be alright without you.

There will be someone else, 

I keep telling myself.

I’ll be alright without you.

Love’s an empty face, 

oh, I’ve got to replace.

Letters To Crushes

Dear World,

My unrequited friends, the weary in love, the confused in pieces and the tender of heart: just breathe. I’m sorry you feel pain. Smile. Laugh. Why hurt? You are aware of something wonderful in this chaotic world. You have loved. You possess the ability to love. I promise you no matter how many times you are hurt in life, no matter how many times you fall in the darkness, you will never lose that ability. You will always have love. Remember that and hold tight, won’t you? Someone close wishes to share their abilities with you. I know it.

— Your Friend

Hipster,
I know you’re a closed shop, but i keep hoping and hoping you’ll fall for me. i think that can happen. i’ve been told I smell good. i think i can be pretty funny sometimes. i genuinely care about you. i like to think i’m not annoying.


but, it all just comes right back to the fact that you’re not open for business. maybe you just need the right set of keys.
— Neurotic Brunette




R,
I am beginning to see your name everywhere I go. On the train, in the car, at school, even on street signs. Do you think I’m crazy? I think it’s just a sign that we should be together.
— C




B,
I don’t know what to do. Everyone’s telling me we would look cute together. They’re telling me to go for it and spill out my feelings for you. But how am I supposed to do that when you’re so unapproachable? You have that untouchable aura, maybe even a wall surrounding you. I can’t get across it.


Maybe one day you’ll build a door and leave it open. So I can confess.
— K




S,
You confuse me more than differential equations. you send the most random, mixed signals ever and it frustrates me more than traffic in the city on the night of an orioles game, but i can never keep my mind off of you. your smile, your smell, your laugh, your eyes, the way our bodies fit together perfectly for the best hugs ever. it’s been over three years since i started feeling this way and trying to make you see it. when will you realize that we’d be good for each other?
— M




You,
Why is it that whenever you’re around i end up doing the most embarrassing thing possible? i can’t think when i’m around you.
— Awkward Girl.




Baby,
I just want to cuddle with you in one of your t-shirts and play video games for hours on end. You game?
— Me




S,
You may not realize it but tomorrow, at 0800 hours i am going to be launching a week-long charm offensive. should you retreat even the slightest inch i will intensify proceedings. should you exhibit signs of resistance then i will dig trenches and prepare for a long winter. wave your white flag and i will kiss you such as to consign the history of romance to sick beds.
— T

Dearest You,

Stop hiding behind reasons. Stop the excuses. Bring that wall down and away. It’s not fair for him to always be fighting to find a way in. Now it’s time for you to fight to get him in. Making room for someone in your heart is not always such a bad thing. I can not promise you he wont break it, I can not promise you he wont discard it, but I also can not promise you that he will break it, discard it, break you. Remember, the best things in life are hard to get. Remember, you can not always hide behind excuses. Do you want to spend the rest of your life hidden beneath excuses that are meant to avoid your fear?

— Me

Mr. Unexpected,
Writing a letter to a crush is way more difficult than finishing this confusing essay. See, this essay’s going to get done. It will take a while, but it will get done. Telling you how I feel involves words and feelings and things that are probably not even described in the dictionary.
…
I love you. And I think I could be the one to make you happy.
— All Yours, if You Want.

My One and Only

"I'm riding home in pain again baby

But that don't mean shit to you

You're currently engaged

In an intimate conversation

With a young groupie or two

They say "players only love you

when they're playing games"

Still I gave my heart to you

I should have stayed away

Like my friends all told me to

Every time I turn around

I find my heart in pieces on the ground

So so lonely

I'm lookin' for my one and only

Every time I turn around

I find my heart in pieces on the ground

Why can't I find my one and only?

See I'm looking for a man that'll rub me slow

Make me sing real high

When he goes down low

But see it ain't just a physical thing

He's gotta treat me affectionately

And I gotta know he won't betray my trust

Just like every other motherfuckers does

Is this just an impossible dream baby

To elusive to pursue

It's been such a sad and windy road for me

Just searchin' for the truth

Every time I turn around

I find my heart in pieces on the ground

So so lonely

I'm lookin' for my one and only

Every time I turn around

I find my heart in pieces on the ground

Why can't I find my one and only?

Never Gets Old.

My First Love

“I did send a girl a plane ticket asking her for a visit, I guess that's quite romantic.”
-Orlando Bloom





All together now...."awwww."

It's A Mad Adventure

Lightness

Make Mistakes

I Just Want To Be Remembered

Flash

Your Guardian Angel

Bathroom Exchanges

"we exchange words through our hips and actions with our lips. as if it could be our only way of communication, as if it would translate all we wanted to say without having to say it at all. and in a way it does, and in a way it must, because i can’t form these scattered letters at the tip of my tongue, and i can’t sing this mess of lyrics my heart wants to have sung. it seems like the only way i can show you how i really feel is by letting our bodies connect in a way i only hope is real."

Mission Impossible

My mission in life is not merely to survive, 

but to thrive; 

and to do so with some passion,

 some compassion, 

some humor, 

and some style.

-Maya Angelou

Who’d Have Known

You put your arm around my shoulder

And it was good the room got colder

And we moved closer in together

And started talking about the weather

You said tomorrow would be fun

And we could watch a place in the sun

I didn’t know where this was going

When you kissed me

— Lily Allen

Live From New York

Holiday From Real

Homecoming

I Miss...

Doing cute, little things for my significant other. I'm not a particularly crafty person, but I am sentimental.  I want to make another scavenger hunt...I also need a person who is a sure thing.

Penguin Classics.

"Do You Have A Crush On Anyone?"

Is it a crush if we have a mutual fondness towards each other?
I used to have a crush on this boy and then he kissed me, so I guess the feeling became mutual.

But I guess there’s also still a chance my heart could get crushed in the process.






Again, I hold hope for this situation to end well.

Ponders The True Meaning of Christmas

Charlie Brown: I think there must be something wrong with me Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.

Lonely.

3 Years.